made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
