I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
