Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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