I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
