Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
