I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
