put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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