You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
