Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
