Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
