I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He had one of those small greek statue penises
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
