VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
