in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
