with your own penis?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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