I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
