i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
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