She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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