I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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