You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
