dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
