I faked an abortion last night.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize