you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
