So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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