So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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