just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
