Sry I called you an 8
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
