Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
