I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
