I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
