You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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