Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
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