i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
