If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
