I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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