i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
