Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize