I met the friendliest cop last night
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
