I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
