Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize