Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
