if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
soo... how was my night?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
