I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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