Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
