I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
