Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
