we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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