bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
