omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize