We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
