How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
