theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
