new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
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My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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