(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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