Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
