He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
