i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
