one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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