Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Randomize
