I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize