So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
time to smoke my breakfast
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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