I accidentally burped into my bong.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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