Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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