Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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