I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
