I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
