After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize