I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize