my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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