so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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