Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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