She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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