If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
