no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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