I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
