Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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