the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
