She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
